Time HealsMar 10, 2020
Have you heard the phrase, "Time Heals All Wounds"?
Are you still grieving a loss that took place over a year ago?
Is your heart still broken over a loss that happened over 5 years ago?
How about a loss that occurred over 10, or even 20, years ago?
If so, you are not alone.
Most of us were taught that time heals, so it’s no wonder we wait, and wait, and wait to recover. If recovering from grief was as simple as waiting for time to pass how much time does it take? Is it reasonable to believe that 5, 10 or 20 years would be enough time?
The sad truth is the idea that time heals all wounds keeps grievers stuck in their heartache because it’s not true. This myth affects the largest number of people in the world. Time only passes, it does nothing. It is what we do within time that affects the quality of our lives. The false idea that time heals emotional wounds is based on a misunderstanding of the normal human reaction to losses of all kinds. For example, in our immediate reaction to the death of someone important to us, it’s normal and natural at first to have a sense of numbness. The numbness lasts differing amounts of time for each person and is usually accompanied by an inability to concentrate or focus, which tends to last longer than the numbness. It makes sense that we have a hard time paying attention to routine day-to-day things in the immediate aftermath of the death of someone meaningful to us. And here’s where the myth of time healing gets its false foothold. As we adapt to the new, and usually painful reality of death, we begin to be able to function a little better. With that comes the illusion that time has healed us, but all that’s really happened is that we’re adapting to the physical absence of the other person.
When you get a flat tire do you wait for it to refill with air on its own? Or do you pull the spare from your trunk or call AAA?
When you break a bone do you sit around and wait for it to heal or do you go to the Dr.?
So why when we break our hearts do we take no action? Doesn’t your heart deserve the same attention as broken bones and machinery?
The emotionally broken heart is remarkably like that tire. Without action, the pain gets worse with time, your ability to manage life decreases, and your world shrinks. Perhaps this is where you find yourself today as you read this.
Nothing will change until you take action, and then, as the result of those actions taken within time, you will be able to feel emotionally complete.
Please don’t be fooled into thinking that merely waiting for time to pass will help you feel better.